Meningitis ~ Two months

I've delayed posting this. I had intended to post last week and be full of the news that my partner was back at work full time finally, but he's found it incredibly hard. I'd hope it would get better this week, but it hasn't.

Last week on Monday (7 1/2 weeks after becoming ill) he had no sick note and wanted to work full time all week. He came home early on Thursday, but otherwise he managed it. He slept a few times after work, but he was awake again for tea. On Thursday he was fast asleep at 8pm before the little boys even. We then spent a full day out at the Little Fun Fest on Saturday. Although I drove and we sat down as much as we could, he was already shattered and it completely wore him out.

Sunday was spent mainly sleeping, lying on the bed and watching drivel. He did have to pop into work for an hour, but that was the only time he didn't show how tired he was. Or how much he is in pain.

His leg and arm pain is always there, and I don't know if he's overdoing it or if it comes in cycles, but yesterday he was in so much pain he said it was as bad as it was when he first had it on his return from hospital. He can't see any pattern to the bad and better days, specific tasks and exertions don't seem to make any difference. The pain is there and no physical movement changes it or makes it worse or better, he just has to deal with whatever he gets. His limp is so pronounced that the Health & Safety man at work has asked him to use the disabled parking spot by the door, rather than hobble across the sloping car park every day. MY partner is genuinely concerned that he'll end up walking with a stick, and when he has a few painful days together, it does seem inevitable.

All of this is of course very wearing, and coupled with the tiredness is still making him short-tempered and not very tolerant. He can't focus mentally when he's tired, and that is also getting him down. If his teenage daughters come to him with a problem or disagreement at 9pm at night, he simply can't work out the solution or really get to grips with whats going on. He's very good about not coping and generally just tells them he can't deal with it right then, but it frustrates him. I think that's a big part of why he goes to the bedroom very early. We've become used to sitting there while I type and he watches TV, and the teenagers suit themselves and make a mess of my living room.

Another frustration is memory. As time goes on we're discovering more about how much is incomplete or missing. He can't remember anything specific about what was happening when he became ill, and quite a few things that happened around that time are blurred or absent. He has completely forgotten an internet friend who we used to talk about regularly (mainly because she always comes up with crazy schemes and posts the daftest questions), and TV series can be watched again because not only does he not remember the endings, he doesn't remember the beginning.

He believes he still slurs a little when he's very tired, and he muddles words sometimes. Even when he knows it's the wrong word, he'll continue to use it. He referred to something using the wrong name several times in a meeting at work, and although it amused him, it confuses him. It's entirely involuntary and that lack of control over what you say, which is his brain wrongly filling in a gap when he's talking full flow, is just not something we're used to.

He's just not as sharp as he was before. He can't answer trivia questions with the same speed and confidence, and he misses a lot of the witty responses and asides that he always used to understand. That bothers me, I miss it. We have no idea when, or if, it will return, but I think it will, I really do.

One of the things that grates on him the most is that everyone who doesn't see him regularly, and even some who do, don't understand that you don't 'get Meningitis, get better' in the same way as you get over chicken pox or a twisted ankle. He's constantly being asked why he's limping or why he is writing things down? And he hates having to explain himself all of the time. He doesn't want to be ill, so he certainly doesn't want to have to remind other people every day!

Nowhere that we can find on the internet really offers any information about this stage, it just says that most people are back to their normal selves after 6 months. We have to assume that we're still on the right track, although he will be visiting his Doctor next week to discuss the pain in his leg and his arms. Again, I'll have to go with him, because he won't be able to remember a lot of what he's told. He'll still be taking in the first sentence when the Doctor is on the third.

Maybe this post seems really negative, and we are in a dip right now, but it isn't really. A month ago he'd never have managed Little Fun Fest at all, and he certainly couldn't have stayed at work for a 38 hour week. You have to keep reminding yourself of the bigger picture.

The rest of the family are well used to everything now. The little boys are less clingy to me, although we are having problems settling the 3 year old into nursery school, but I can't say for sure that wouldn't have happened anyway. The teenagers bring us up coffees in the bedroom and bring me all of their worries and woes. We've yet to rebook the MOT on my partners van, or his Dentist appointment that was due when he became ill, but we'll get there....