Why my operation didn't happen....

 

So there I was in hospital at 1.30pm, nothing to eat and only a cup of coffee and a glass of water since 11pm the night before, texting my partner and telling him I was really dehydrated and that the Surgeon was due to come and see me any minute.

And I waited. And I dehydrated. And my headache got worse. And my eyesight got blurry. And my phone started to run out of batteries so I had to switch it off.

At just after 3pm my Surgeon came to see me and for half an hour I felt a bit better. I'd got an arrow drawn on my leg and I was going to be asleep and out of pain very soon.

And I waited.

And at 4pm the Nursing shift changed and I spotted one of the Nurses glance around and shake her head at the other one.

The next hour was interminable. My prison cell room was so hot. My headache and eyesight got worse, my lips cracked and bleeding, I put my shoes on and leant my head against the window, ran the tap and put my face under it.

Then I could hear them on the phone asking for the Surgeon to come upstairs and explain to the 2 afternoon bookings himself.

Even if I'd been fully dessicated I'd have understood what that meant. It was 5.10pm.

I have to say I went to pieces at this point, my head was so painful, my blood sugar so low, and of course I'd had no painkillers either. I drank 2 glasses of water and the Nurse made me a brew.

And I didn't wait. If I'd had to walk all the way home in the dark and rain by myself I'd have done it because I needed to get out of there and I wasn't waiting for that Surgeon any longer. My partner came and met me at the hospital gate and then for the next hour I had to endure the most astonishing cramping of my life as the fluid started returning to my body.

When my Surgeon didn't return from lunch until 3pm, despite still having one of his morning patients to operate on before he started on the afternoon list, he can't have ever thought about the fact that we were waiting and uncomfortable. He can't have known that my partner had taken the day off work to drive me and look after our 3 year old. He can't have known that I have all those other children to look after. He can't have imagined the logistics involved in arranging people to pick up my 3 and 5 year olds from nursery and school for the next 2 days, or for getting my 16 year old to his college interview. He wouldn't have considered that I'd booked and paid for childcare before school for 2 days. He can't have realised I'd have so much more to do with my time than sit in hospital all day blinded and in agony from dehydration. He can't have known how scared I am about having to face Winter walking to school and back 3 times a day on icy streets when I am struggling so much, or how I wake up each night uncomfortable and can't get back to sleep. He can't have known that I can't drive because it leaves me in such pain it's not worth it, and he can't understand how hard it is to cook a meal for 7 or 8 every night when your leg hurts so much. He certainly can't have begun to understand that my partner is still recovering from his Meningitis, and he can't drive distances or stay awake every evening or help me as much as he'd like to.

He can't have known that one of my greatest wishes was sit on the floor and play with Lego with my kids on Christmas Day.

I hope he had a nice lunch.