10 Years. 120 Months. 3652 Days.

10 years without Elspeth. She is missed today just as much as she's been missed every single other day. She is always present with her absence. 

I wish I could show her our new house. I wish she could come and stay over and see the view in the evening, or the morning, and tell us how perfect it is for us, with it's bizarre 2 toilet bathroom and hidden staircase.

I wish she could visit her siblings in their own homes, and go out for food and drinks. I wish she could be planning gigs and festivals with them, and sharing in their adult lives. Living her own adult life.

I wish she could know her little brothers as the young men they've become.

I wish she had realised how amazing she was going to be once she was an adult. She had so much to offer the world, and with a sarcasm that would make my Grandma chuckle.

I wish she had appreciated that the worst times, just like the best times, are fleeting, and to fear them gives them an importance they don't deserve. 

I wish she had understood it would be so much better to stay.